Tuesday, July 18, 2006

The Three Keys to Gay Relationships


As a gay man in his forties I don't claim to be a "dating expert". That said however, I must tell you that personally I don't like to think of two people getting together to spend time with each other as dating. I really dislike labels. When the term dating is used I feel that it denotes preconcieved images of how an evening has to play out. There is nothing wrong with just spending time with somebody and getting to know them without any pressure, and just seeing what happens from there.

I like to be honest with somebody that I am interested in. I think that it is extremely important to be yourself, don't misrepresent who you are, and above all else, to know what you want out of a potential relationship. Just like any other goal that you are striving toward you have to be able to define it. You have to know what you are looking for, in a mate, partner, sex buddy, or whatever kind of relationship you are striving to attain. If you can effectively communicate what you would like your relationship to be and be honest about your expectations, you and your date will know if they are wasting their time. It is always better to know if you are compatible sooner rather than later. I tend to know exactly what I want and I am always honest about communicating it to the other person. At this point you might be thinking that there is no possibility that you could be so bold.

Being bold is not that difficult. Myself, I am generally not a very forward person when it comes to meeting people but, I have thought about each time that I have met an interesting guy whether it be in a bar, coffee house or social event. Each time had something in common. That something is that, somebody has to make contact. Don't use a corny line or gimmick. Be yourself and state what you want. It can be as simple and straight forward as saying, "you look like an interesting guy so I just wanted to come over and say hi". If you want to go to dinner, hang out, go to a movie or whatever....ask for it. I find that being bold and directly stating what you want is more effective than beating around the bush and cuts through all of the game playing. I have had guys tell me that they wanted to, hang out sometime, go to dinner, make me dinner, go to a movie, go to a wine tasting party, have sex, go for coffee and you know what? It worked, not all of the time but a good share of the time. State what you want and you just might get it. Don't play games.

Datable guys, or rather guys with potential for what I am looking for, just have to be who they normally are. Anybody looking for that perfect guy is being unrealistic. Expecting somebody to be perfect is way too much pressure. Our quirks and imperfections are what make us unique and interesting. Don't try too hard, don't be needy, and don't be upset if somebody shoots you down. Go meet somebody else.

So to tie it all up it really is quite simple to meet somebody for whatever type of relationship you are looking for. All you need to remember is to be bold, honest and datable.